Children make sense of themselves through the words they hear. Language helps them understand their strengths, their needs, and their place in the world. When our words feel warm and accepting, children often feel safer and more confident in who they are.
You do not need to get everything perfect. Language is something we explore and grow with over time. Small, thoughtful shifts can create moments of connection where children feel deeply understood.
What Labels Can Offer
Labels can bring up mixed feelings. Some parents feel cautious about them, others feel relieved. Both experiences are completely valid.
A label is simply a piece of information. It can help us understand how a child’s brain works so we can support them with more clarity and less guesswork. What matters is how the label is used and how it makes a child feel.
A helpful label tends to:
- Describe a child’s experience without defining their whole identity.
- Offer language that helps them understand themselves with confidence.
- Guide adults towards the support the child needs.
People naturally tend to label children anyway, it is just whether they are labeled as "unfocused and a disruption in class" or "working on their focus as they struggle with ADHD".
How Can We Use Empowering Neurodiversity Language?
Many parents simply want to use words that feel kind, accurate, and respectful. There is no single correct approach, especially because neurodivergent people often have different preferences. Think of language as something you choose together, not something you must get right on your own.
Use language that reflects the whole child
Balanced language helps children see both their challenges and their strengths. For example:
- Instead of “He is easily distracted”, you might say “His brain notices lots of things at once”.
- Instead of “She is too sensitive”, you might say “She feels things deeply”.
These phrases do not sugar-coat anything, they simply widen the story.
Keep explanations simple and reassuring
Talking about diagnoses can feel lighter when we keep it factual and calm:
- “This helps us understand how your brain works so we can support you well.”
- “Lots of people have brains like yours. This is one way of being in the world.”
Clear, kind explanations help children feel grounded and seen.
Words That Can Feel Difficult for Children
When language feels heavy or confusing, children may start to worry about their differences. None of this is about blame. Most adults are repeating phrases they heard growing up. Once we notice the impact, we can shift gently.
Phrases that feel judging
Words like “good behaviour” or “bad behaviour” can make children feel like their challenges are personal failures. It can help to focus on needs instead:
- “Your body is telling us it needs a break.”
- “This feels big right now. I am here with you.”
Phrases that feel dismissive
Comments like “You will be fine” are meant to comfort, but can leave a child feeling misunderstood. A simple shift can help them feel supported:
- “This feels tricky, and I am right here with you.”
Phrases that create comparison
Words like “normal” or “not normal” can make differences sound like something to fix. Many families find it helps to say:
- “Brains work in lots of different ways.”
- “Your way makes sense for you.”
We want children to understand there is absolutely nothing "wrong" with them, they are brilliant just the way they are. We want to help support them based on how their brains work. Small changes like these often help children feel safer in who they are.
Talking About Neurodiversity with Others
It can feel delicate to explain your child’s needs to teachers, relatives, or other parents. Approaching the conversation with clarity and kindness can help everyone work together.
Be open and calm
You can say:
- “This is the language we use that helps her feel confident.”
- “These are the words she prefers for describing her brain.”
Share the “why”
Explaining the purpose behind your language can make a big difference:
- “These words help him feel proud and understood.”
Most people adjust once they know how much it matters.
Offer gentle alternatives
If someone uses phrasing that feels outdated, you can offer another option in a kind way:
- “We usually say… because it feels supportive for her.”
This invites understanding rather than correction.
A Story to Hold
A parent once shared that their son used to say, “My brain is wrong.” After learning more about neurodiversity together, they began saying, “Your brain notices things other people miss. That is one of your strengths.”
A few months later, he said, “My brain is different, and I like that.”
The world did not change. The words did. And that was enough for his story to feel kinder.
At 15 Summers, we are building a community of parents and would love you to be a part of it!